Dear Elijah,
I gave birth to you in my 29th year of life. That
probably will seem old to you when you read this but it’s actually young if you
are comparing it to one’s whole lifetime. When I turned 29 I didn’t yet know
that I was pregnant with you and I had recently had a revelation. I was going
to make 29 My YEAR! I was going to make it adventurous, take risks, and go out
of my way to have a REALLY good time, lose weight and maybe even give myself a
makeover. I thought it was going to be kind of like the last hoorah of my
twenty’s. I thought I might get a tattoo or do some traveling. Little did I
know I was pregnant so a tattoo was out and saving money seemed much more
important with a little one on the way. Losing weight wasn’t going to happen
and wouldn’t be safe with you growing inside me. But I did go on an adventure;
every day of my pregnancy was different than anything I had ever experienced
before. I didn’t lose weight but I gained a whole other perspective on body
image. For the first time in my life I wasn’t focused on my size but focused on
being healthy. Don’t get me wrong I did chat with our midwife frequently to
make sure that I was staying in a healthy weight range but again the focus was
on health for you and I. Gaining weight wasn’t a bad thing because it meant
that you were given the tools you needed to become strong. I embraced my big
belly and rejoiced in my ability to care for you using my strong body, your
home as you grew. I ended up getting a health makeover because I gave up
alcohol and the majority of my caffeine intake. Giving up Diet Coke and coffee
was tough for me. I took a daily vitamin and avoided MSG. I also let myself get
as much rest as I wanted. I quit my stressful job and got one that I enjoyed
much more. I didn’t get sick the whole nine months, not even a cold and I felt
great. I called myself Super Mom, only half joking because I truly felt
invigorated and my life had been given more purpose then I had ever felt
before. I felt like I was a better me. I gained 33 lbs and an abundance of
stretch marks but most importantly I gained perspective. I was able to love me
more because it was my body that allowed me to grow and love you more.
Love,
Your Momma
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