Pregnancy Gives A Woman Perspective

Dear Elijah,

I gave birth to you in my 29^th year of life. That probably will seem old to you when you read this but it’s actually young if you are comparing it to one’s whole lifetime. When I turned 29 I didn’t yet know that I was pregnant with you and I had recently had a revelation. I was going to make 29 My YEAR! I was going to make it adventurous, take risks, and go out of my way to have a REALLY good time, lose weight and maybe even give myself a makeover. I thought it was going to be kind of like the last hoorah of my twenty’s. I thought I might get a tattoo or do some traveling. Little did I know I was pregnant so a tattoo was out and saving money seemed much more important with a little one on the way. Losing weight wasn’t going to happen and wouldn’t be safe with you growing inside me. But I did go on an adventure; every day of my pregnancy was different than anything I had ever experienced before. I didn’t lose weight but I gained a whole other perspective on body image. For the first time in my life I wasn’t focused on my size but focused on being healthy. Don’t get me wrong I did chat with our midwife frequently to make sure that I was staying in a healthy weight range but again the focus was on health for you and I. Gaining weight wasn’t a bad thing because it meant that you were given the tools you needed to become strong. I embraced my big belly and rejoiced in my ability to care for you using my strong body, your home as you grew. I ended up getting a health makeover because I gave up alcohol and the majority of my caffeine intake. Giving up Diet Coke and coffee was tough for me. I took a daily vitamin and avoided MSG. I also let myself get as much rest as I wanted. I quit my stressful job and got one that I enjoyed much more. I didn’t get sick the whole nine months, not even a cold and I felt great. I called myself Super Mom, only half joking because I truly felt invigorated and my life had been given more purpose then I had ever felt before. I felt like I was a better me. I gained 33 lbs and an abundance of stretch marks but most importantly I gained perspective. I was able to love me more because it was my body that allowed me to grow and love you more.     

Love,

Your Momma

Family Day

Dear Elijah,

I write this post in June because every day is Family Day but our family usually celebrates a special day together sometime in December. Our Family Day celebration originated because growing up my family didn’t celebrate holidays. We didn’t have Christmas or Easter. Santa didn’t visit my house nor did the Easter Bunny. We didn’t celebrate Kwanza or anything similar. To be completely honest I was a tad bit jealous of my cousins, who had Christmas trees, enjoyed Christmas carols, stockings, mistle toe, etc. To be fair my aunts did go out of their way to make sure we were included so Santa did give me some presents throughout the years and the Easter Bunny did hit up our house once in a while. I liked the idea of “Secret Santa” and making Christmas cookies. At 10 years old I wondered why our family didn’t have holiday traditions. I’m not exactly sure how the conversation went but I talked to your grandma and Papa and convinced them that we should have a holiday that we call Family Day. I really just craved having a family tradition and didn’t understand why we couldn’t celebrate. I now know that it isn’t that we can’t celebrate; it is what we celebrate that matters. That first year I remember mostly the presents. Grandma wrapped up a super-sized candy cane and I got a pair of Reebok tennis shoes that I thought were super cool along with puzzles and some other small gifts. In the years that followed the tradition became more meaningful for me because it was special to our family. I no longer wish I had a Christmas tree and don’t desire to have your picture taken with Santa Clause. It became a time where we would sit down to a home cooked meal which happened rarely in our house. It was a time for playing games together and enjoying each other without distractions of TV, computer or papa having to rush off to work. It became less and less about presents and more about the time we spent together. I’m thankful we don’t submit to all the commercialized stuff that some people do. I don’t feel pressure to spend more than I have because it’s more about sharing what we can to build our family up rather than giving all we have and depleting our energy until we have no more to give. Last year grandma made a wonderful meal of turkey, potatoes and stuffing. We played Monopoly and papa won. Our family gave Grandma & Papa and auntie calendars filled with family pictures as a gift along with some homemade things and we made a special video where everyone in our family said a special message to you since you were still in my belly and not yet able to enjoy our Family Day. It may be many years before you understand what Family Day is and what momma means to share with you on that day. It’s a day where we try to be present; we make sure family comes first on that day, as we should every day. We remember to do simple things together because simple things are all we need to be a family. We sometimes give gifts but it’s only because we mean to give gifts all the time but really the only gift required is that you show up and give some attention to the people who mean the most to you in this world.You may someday choose to celebrate holidays other than family day and that will be your choice but you will always celebrate your family. I look forward to celebrating our family with you.

Love,

Momma

Marriage

Dear Elijah,
I wanted to take the time to write to you about something exciting happening right here in Minnesota, Gay people will be allowed to get married beginning August 1st, 2013! This is a simple letter because I just wanted to let you know that I am an Ally to gay people. Your mom believes that love is love and that we should appreciate it regardless of if it is between a same sex couple or a man and a woman. I believe that marriage is a very powerful and important commitment and that our world could only benefit by allowing people to take their relationships to that level. This also reminds me that there was a time when interracial couples were not allowed the right to marry. That hits home for us because your mom and dad wouldn't have been allowed to marry. What a shame that would have been because your dad and I are better people because of each other and how we work together to raise our family. I am very happy that you will get to choose when, if and who you marry because then you will not be burdened by restrictions that other people put on you and you can be free to be the wonderful person you were meant to be.
Love,
Momma

Welcome Elijah

Dear Elijah,
We welcomed you into our crazy world on March 29th and our lives are forever changed. Someday I will write about your birth story but for now I wanted to share with you why I have chosen to write a blog of letters for you. Tomorrow is never promised. I have seen a lot of loved ones pass and their children are left with a lot of questions or parents are living and children are always wondering why their parents do things the way they do. I see this as an opportunity to deepen our relationship and for me to reflect on how I became the person I became and why I believe the things I do so I can be a better mother to you. I also see it as a chance to teach you the things I think are most important in life. I am hoping this is something you can reflect on throughout your years and perhaps you will choose to carry on some of my beliefs with your own children should you choose to have them. I promise to make a lot of mistakes, some of them will include bad grammar but some of them will just be me stumbling through motherhood trying to do my best. I once read an article that said that there are three things most important for us to share with our loved ones, I forgive you, I am sorry and I love you. In advance I would like to say those things to you. I forgive you for the times you will make mistakes; all I ask is that you try to learn from them. I am sorry for the mistakes I will make, but I will promise to try to learn from them and do better the next time. I love you. I truly do love you and I think you will know it more as you read through these letters. Elijah, welcome to my world, welcome to my family.
Love,
Momma